Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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