we're blogging at a bar
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
