sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Randomize
