well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
