Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
