I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
