Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do vagina's smell?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
