he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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