Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
