Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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