Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
