You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
