...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
