Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
