thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
