so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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