Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Text me some of your sweat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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