I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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