Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
