I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
