hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
