Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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