Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
