My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
