I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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