Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
