brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
