It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
