its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
