I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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