Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
