yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk is not a location!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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