theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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