just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
