he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just forgot I was standing up.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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