my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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