Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
