too bad you live with your parents still
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
