I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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