i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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