I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
