can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
