Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
