Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
