i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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