The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
