6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
