Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
