don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
