he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
