I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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