ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
